Bad Habit
by TheTrainTicket
Summary: A reflection on Bronzeshipping from a canon point of view.


Bad Habit

He hated his scars. Hated the way they crawled all over his back. Hated the way they felt. Hated the memories behind them. He truly hated how they represented the curse that flowed through his bloodline. They made him feel defected, infected. And they controlled him, because they were the marks that prevented his freedom.

Yet out of his hatred, something good was created. Something he relied heavily upon. A protector, a guardian, whose only purpose was to watch and keep him safe. So he lived with his scars.

But he still hated them.

***

The darkness watched over the light, until he fell asleep. It was his duty to be full aware when the light had grown tired. But he couldn't resist entering the dreams of his little light. It was the only time he could touch him, and he liked touching the light.

It didn't start out strong. It was more like childish curiosity, mainly because they _were_ children, or at least, the light was. The darkness had never been born, and to this day wasn't quite sure what he was. But he was there, as was the light, so he stopped wondering.

It was a mere act of interest, wanting to touch the light. The darkness couldn't feel, accept through the light. Brief moments, he'd show up, mostly to protect his light from pain. The light couldn't handle pain, he was too fragile. Only the darkness could withstand it, but he liked pain. It was the only thing he had ever felt.

Until the first time he had touched the light.

It was in a dream. The only things around were the two of them. The light had never seen the darkness, not face to face. Yet he seemed to know who he was.

Then the darkness approached. He was curious, wanted to know, what it would be like to put his hand on the person he protected. He placed it on the light's cheek… and it felt good. So soft, so warm, and there was no pain.

That was one of the few times in his existence that the darkness almost felt like crying. But he never did. Crying was what the light did, in his weaker moments, and the darkness was meant to be strong. Still, the sensation of feeling his hand on the light's cheek was so overwhelming, he couldn't help it.

It wasn't long before the two hugged each other.

It was the light who instigated that gesture. He pressed his body against the darkness, who in returned wrapped his arms around the little light. This action surprised the darkness. He always thought that the light simply didn't mind him, or at least appreciated his presence. But he never thought that the feelings of affection could be mutual.

He started to pick up on little habits the light had. Like that look in his eyes whenever he got mad or excited. The way his chin quivered out of fear. How he'd sweat and shiver whenever the darkness advanced towards him. There were so many little habits, and the darkness wanted to know them all.

Not much later, the darkness got hungry. He wanted more from his light. These small physical gestures were strong at first, but now they were unsatisfying. He was, after all, the only thing that the darkness could feel outside of pain.

Touching the light became an obsession. The darkness was always listening to the outside world, always waiting to learn about more ways two people could touch each other.

And then they learned what kissing was.

***

He sat there, admiring the two items sitting in there little shrines. One was a necklace, the other an ax. Sometimes, really late at night when his father was fast asleep, he'd wrap his hand around the ax, just to feel it. It was a weapon, it had power, which is what he craved most.

Well, that and freedom.

He always found it interesting, though, that when he dreamed, it was his yami that always held the ax. He guessed it was because to him, the yami represented power. His stronger half.

It was always strange to call him that. "His stronger half", as if they were the same person. He knew they were, but it never felt that way. They looked different, they acted different. They thought and felt different.

He sometimes wondered if he was the only one with another side. How did other people deal with pain? How could they stand being alone in their dreams? He remembered life before his other side, and flinched. It was brutal. Life still was, but at least now it was bearable. He had his brother to protect him from his father, his sister to comfort him, and another side to take the pain away.

Lately, however, his other half was starting to scare him. They had begun talking to each other in the dreams. It wasn't really like talking, not the way he talked to his family, but it was a form of communication. It was like speaking with feelings instead of words. And what his other side felt was terrifying.

They were these wild and violent thoughts. Killing, stabbing, and darkness. Always darkness. His other side had an obsession with the dark. It excited him a little. He had no problem with the thought of killing someone, if they had hurt him, that is. He had to give up his own life to serve someone else. He had never truly lived, so it was almost like someone had murdered him. He wished they had, sometimes.

But his other side never stopped there. He never stopped with anything, really. He was always touching the hikari, and was kissing him constantly. His presence was always known whenever the adults starting talking about intimate things with one another and the hikari happened to be close enough to eavesdrop.

He didn't mind it, he liked the way it felt. He liked that there was someone who craved him that much. He always felt he was in his yami's debt, since he was forcing him to take his pain away. But sometimes he felt like he was lying to the yami, as if giving him more than he meant. He didn't want to make the yami mad was the issue, and he sometimes said things he didn't mean. But he never got hurt, and that's all that mattered to him.

Years passed.

Then they learned what sex was.

***

_There's got to be a way._

_I don't know._

_But you heard what they said, right? It's the closest two people can get to each other._

_Yes, but isn't it for men and women?_

_There's got to be a way… you just put it in somewhere, right?_

The darkness pressed his face against the light's.

_I want to be close to you. Don't you want to be close to me?_

_Yes._

_Then we'll figure out a way._

And another year passed.

***

Something had changed that day. It was the day he had first stepped outside. His sister had taken him to the surface.

Something had sort of… changed in him. That longing for darkness had just… gone away. And for a brief moment, his anger and lust for vengeance was gone, as well.

And then for a brief moment, he thought:

_Is my yami evil?_

***

The darkness had helped the light gain his freedom. But he didn't know it yet. The darkness hadn't expected such a harsh reaction to seeing the father dead. He was always under the impression that the light detested his father, so why was he so upset that the darkness had killed him? Well, after seeing the light's despair, he kept his deeds to himself, and the other two creatures kept their mouths shut. Good thing, too, because the darkness knew how much the light cared for them. He was going to have to wait awhile before killing them.

But it would be worth it. Soon dark would swallow the earth, which had been the plan for a long time. Kill off everyone… create a perfect world. A place where it would be just him and his light. And now that the light was free, the darkness would pursue that plan.

But there were other things to attend to right now…

_**Six years later…**_

His hikari came to him in the dream that night, elated, confused, scared. The yami knew he had to comfort him, had to let go of his sadistic nature, just tonight. His hikari was the only person he would do that for.

The hikari hugged onto his yami, who in returned pressed his lips onto his. The yami clung to him for a moment, just feeling him. Touching him, memorizing every curve and angle. The hikari let him, he didn't mind. So long as he didn't get hurt.

His yami wrapped a hand around his neck and started biting playfully at it. This was a trick they learned a few years back. His yami liked to be rough, but ceased his actions when he noticed the hikari's heavy breathing.

_What's the matter?_

_A lot._

_Tell me._

_Just…everything. Freedom, revenge, death… everything…_

_It's okay. I'm here for you, always._

_I know._

The yami smiled.

_Our target is close._

_Yes, and he'll pay for what he's done to my family. For the years of suffering…_

The hikari had that look in his eyes again. His yami placed a hand on the hikari's chin. He licked his lips. His hikari clung onto the yami's arm and started stroking it, as if trying to say something with his actions. And the yami knew. They both just knew. Even though know one told them how, something just clicked.

_You just put it in somewhere, right?_

Without warning, the yami reached out and tore off his hikari's shirt and threw the remains onto the ground. He yanked him close and started kissing him furiously. The hikari returned the gestures, and even attempted pulling off the yami's shirt, but not fast enough. The yami ended up pulling it off himself, one handedly. The next few seconds were like a blur as the yami removed the rest of their clothes, pulled them both to the ground and pushed into his hikari.

The hikari let out a violent yelp at the gesture. It was awkward at first, settling the hikari comfortably onto his lap. But after a minute, he had them in a relaxed enough position and had his thrusting going in a rhythmic fashion.

Both of them were breathing deeply. The hikari had his back up against the yami's chest and his hands on his kneecaps, clinging to them. The yami put one hand onto his hikari's back and the other onto his stomach before pushing him forward, increasing his speed.

He then proceeded to trace the scars that covered his hikari's back with his tongue. The hikari may have hated his scars, but his yami loved them very much. They were the element that connected the two. Without them, the yami would never have been created, and his hikari would be all alone.

When the yami was finished with that, he pulled them both back up. The hikari reached up to grab the yami's hair and gave it a yank. It hurt, and the yami enjoyed it immensely. Pain was good. His hikari had made him from pain, and his hikari was good, so pain was good.

_Yami…_

_Hikari…_

_Faster! Please!_

The yami smirked at that. The hikari had no need to beg, his yami would do anything to please him. Nevertheless, it satisfied him. Made him feeling more in control. Sometimes, though he hid these thoughts from his hikari, he wondered if he was the true main character. It made sense to him, since he was stronger.

The hikari was panting, and the yami kissed his shoulder.

Well, even if he was the true main character, he would never get rid of his hikari. He smiled down at the only person he cared about. The yami snickered quietly to himself. It was rather ironic how he wanted to plunge the world into darkness, and yet the only person he wanted to keep around was his light.

The darkness and the light. Together, forever. Balancing out each other. That's why the yami couldn't bare to part from his hikari. He brought out an emotion that the yami didn't feel towards anyone else. It scared him, but he needed it. The emotions made him feel… real.

His hikari would come in handy after the world was plunged into darkness. At least for things like this…

He would want something to touch…

But everyone else would die. The brother, the sister, the pharaoh… they were all just factures that took his hikari away from him.

He had been somewhat grateful to the father, though, he had to admit. After all, if it hadn't been for him, there would be no scars. He had planned to allow the father to live up until the last moments of the world in the light.

Then he threatened his hikari. And for that, he paid the ultimate price.

He didn't understand why, if the hikari feared pain so much, he went out to seek it. Truly, everyone around him only sought to hurt him. That's why his yami existed, for as long as those people were around, the hikari would need him for protection. That's why they were all going to die. Then there would be no more pain, there would be… only this…

His hikari was moaning loudly, and the yami liked the way it sounded, liked the way he felt. He bit at his neck, hungrily. Then suddenly, he pulled himself out of his hikari and threw him onto his back. Before the hikari could even try to ask why, the yami had thrown his legs opened and pushed back in.

The hikari wrapped his arms around his yami's shoulders, and the yami bent lower. His hikari looked up at him with those eyes, tears pouring down. It was the most beautiful sight the yami had ever seen. The hikari dug his fingers into the yami's shoulders and back, cutting through the skin. It made him hot. Their moaning turned into screaming.

Then finally things started to settle down. The yami wanted to make sure his hikari was completely satisfied before stopping, but he was ready to be finished long before the yami.

The yami picked up his cape and wrapped it around his hikari's shoulders and his own lower back. The two snuggled close to each other, lying down on the ground.

_Thank you, hikari, thank you._

_Will we ever do this again?_

_Yes._

He would have had him again right then and there, had him forever, but he was so worn out. So the two of them soaked up each other's body heat until the dream ended.

Marik woke up the next day, sweaty, naked and hot. His clothes had been lying on the ground beside him. They were in one piece, fortunately, because he had no idea how he would've explained that to his brother if they hadn't been.

***

What they did was wrong. It was just wrong. He knew it, in the back of his mind, that what they had done was a giant mistake. There wasn't even a "they", it was just "he." It was all so confusing.

Yet he had said things he didn't really mean, and done things he didn't really want to do, and let things go way too far, as usual. All so he could feel good.

He wondered if other people were this weak, doing things so they could feel good, so others wouldn't get mad. And he _was_ afraid to make his darker half mad. Not because of what might happen to him, his yami would never do anything to hurt him. Physically.

It was what might happen to his siblings that worried him. Because he knew the hatred his yami felt for them. He would have probably done away with them long ago, if it hadn't been for the loyalty his brother had carved onto his own face.

It was interesting how those scars had such a hold on his yami. He knew that his yami had the potential to overpower him, and yet never did because of those scars. It was like he was running away from any outside love.

He didn't believe his yami loved him. He denied that there was any chance of them feeling affection for each other. His other half was a monster, as he had figured out the day he first wandered the surface. And he was as well, because of what he had created. Two monsters could never fall in love, especially with one another. They were just each other's bad habits that they couldn't let die.

Well, with any luck, there wasn't going to be a darker side much longer. Not if he caught the nameless pharaoh and put an end to this grudge.

He had never meant to create his darker side. It was a "heat of the moment" type of thing. When the scars had been engraved into his flesh, it had hurt so badly that he wanted to die. And then… someone else just came along. They came along and took the pain away. And the next time he got hurt, they were there again. And again and again and again.

But now, looking back, he had done so many things he had never dreamt he would do. And he had vivid dreams.

To have someone else take away his pain seemed so childish. And he knew how heavily he relied on it. Even now, he was having others fight his battles for him. But that was for different reasons - he was trying to be careful. Trying so hard not to lose the pharaoh after he had spent so long looking for him.

Then after he was gone, things would get back to normal. Or they would _be_ normal, for the first time. He would live happily with his family, and his dark side would be gone. And he would have to learn how to deal with pain and be strong by himself.

He did feel a little guilty about abandoning his dark side after all these years, but he feared him, and this was something that had to be done before he hurt someone he cared about. Besides, they were the same, even though it never felt that way. So he would never truly be gone.

***

The darkness almost had the light again that night. He made his advances, as usual. He clutched the light's shoulders and licked his cheek.

Then, the light pulled away.

The darkness thought it was a game at first, the light was only playing hard to get. He did that sometimes, to keep things interesting. But when the darkness turned him around and looked into his face, he knew things were different. Knew the light was different. That certain look in his eyes, those little habits, they were gone.

The light turned around to walk away, and the darkness grabbed his arm.

_Let go._

_You wanted me too._

_I don't anymore._

And with that, it was done.

***

The world will be plunged into darkness. I will make sure of it. Because it's full of nothing but people who want to hurt you, and I will finish them before they can get me. I will never forgive the ones who already have.

Rishid, I hate you, because you always held me back. You always gave my hikari a sense of independence. He never needed me as long as he had you around. You held me back from reaching my true potential.

Ishizu, I hate you. You were the one who took my hikari up to the light. You're the reason he started craving it and forgot about the darkness. For that, you will pay dearly.

Pharaoh, I hate you, because you gave my hikari new hatred and anger. It was you who truly replaced me in his heart.

And hikari, I will destroy you. Because I love you. And you rejected me. I will never forgive you for that.

It was suppose to be you and me alone in the darkness forever.

Paradise.

But if you'd rather be alone, then have it your way. I'm better off without you. Now I don't have to worry about you when I take over. Those silly little emotions I felt will vanish, and I will only become stronger.

I am the true Marik, after all. And you… you were just a bad habit of mine.


End file.
